PLEASE, SIRS...

There was a Screenwriters gathering in Toronto Thursday night, organized by Ink Canada's irrepressible Karen Walton to coincide with the opening of this year's Toronto International Film Festival.

A couple of hundred professional scribes were gathered, happily partying, serene in the knowledge that none of them would have to take the rap for "Passchendaele".

Yet, I noticed one forlorn face in the crowd.

It belonged to Will Pascoe, a fine writer and show creator I only know as a rabid fellow hockey fan and the winner of this year's "Infamous Writers Hockey Pool".

I thought the cuts in Arts funding might've gotten to Will or maybe he was down because Mats wasn't coming back to Leaf Camp or such hometown favorites as Wellwood and McCabe had been banished to distant coasts.

But, no. It seems the cause of Will's gloom was -- me.

"You said there'd be swag," he offered disappointedly, "You said when I won your hockey pool all those famous writers and TV types would shower me with sport and showbiz booty. But..."

His voice trailed off and I could see the hurt in his eyes. The kind of hurt that comes from hurrying to the mailbox every morning filled with hope; but finding no bulky packages of memorabilia among the returned scripts from Global and another copy of Canadian Screenwriter that didn't have room for your "Kidney for Sale" ad.

I hung my head. Even the producer side of me had never treated a writer this cruelly. "I lost the list," I said. "I've been travelling, using a lot of different computers. Somewhere along the way, my contact roster for the players got deleted. I couldn't send them your address."

"It's okay," he muttered bravely, "I knew it was too good to be true. I heard last season Askwith got a Wilf Paiment bobble head with his stuff. Oh, well. A fella can dream, right? Maybe next year, huh?".

He shuffled away, stopping briefly to retrieve a 'free drink' ticket somebody'd dropped on the floor and disappeared into the crush at the bar.

I felt like I'd just told Brando it wasn't his night.

But, honest, what I had told him was the truth. But I know he doesn't believe me. Right now, in Will's mind, I'm right up there with the CRTC, Telefilm and everybody else who keeps promising to make things right for Canadian writers and never does.

We can't let this happen to one of our own!

If you were a Pool player, please send me your email address again (at seraphic@sympatico.ca) so I can forward Will's address and you can send him all the great crap you would've binned long ago if it wasn't for this contest.

It may be useless clutter to you, but to Will it's an affirmation of the goodness in Humanity and a reminder that happy endings don't just happen in the movies.

Do it now! You know who you are! And if you don't -- I put the final standings at the bottom of this post.

Scotty William and John Callaghan, you especially need to get in touch because you won stuff as well.

C'mon, boys (and Juniper)! Training camps are opening! The Rangers play Ottawa in less than two weeks! Now is the summer of our discontent made glorious winter by these sons of....

You know what I'm trying to say. If your name's on the list, write me. Let's go into the new season with a clean slate and the knowledge that we can make dreams come true!

INFAMOUS WRITERS POOL 2008 - FINAL STANDINGS

1 Will Pascoe 196
2 Scotty William 191
3 John Callaghan 184
4 Jeff Martel 181
5 Laurie Nyveen 176
6 Wil Zmak 170
7 Denis McGrath 165
7 Brian Stockton 165
9 Peter Allen Rowley 163
10 Will Dixon 162
11 Michael Foster 157
12 Mark Askwith 155
13 Juniper 153
14 Mark Farrell 141
15 Larry Raskin 136
16 Robert de Lint 121
17 Jim Henshaw 81