Sunday, April 05, 2009


I once asked a female friend, who has a macho husband and two testosterone stoked teenage boys, how she seemed to so easily manage her male dominated household. She had a two word answer.

Ground beef.

She said she always had a pound of hamburger ready to go in the fridge. Whether somebody was grumpy, hyper-active or sulking, her prescription was always the same -- cook 'em a hamburger.

A little rare if you needed to perk them up. Leaning toward well done if you wanted to calm them down. She swore it never failed.

Odd as her response may sound, it triggered an immediate recognition of absolute truth in me. How could anyone not know this? The way to a man's heart is already accepted as being through his stomach.

But the vehicle is not some tricked out culinary masterpiece or exotic feast of the senses.

It's a burger.

Ladies, us guys will always struggle with the eternal question of what you want. But what men want is no secret at all.

Ask us what we're thinkin' -- and if we actually do happen to have a thought goin' on up there, it'll be of one of two things -- sex or food. And giving us one will ultimately lead to thinking about the other. Ping Pong us between those two paddles and you'll have your way with us forever.

As proof, I offer the following commercial. Some may say the guys who created it are marketing geniuses. I say, they're just bein' honest.

Enjoy your Sunday.

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