Thursday, December 09, 2010

It's Only Funny When Rick Mercer Does It!

Every time I post a little snippet about how I don't get some part of the Global Warming Panic, I'm inundated with missives from the right thinking and progressive…(wait, how are they "right" thinking while using that particular descriptive -- somebody better call a meeting)…not so much arguing the points or registering disagreement as making sure either me or my source is properly Demonized.

I think I'm on record somewhere (certainly around here) as acknowledging that Sarah Palin is an airhead and Don Cherry's a bullying dinosaur blowhard. Some of those who think their own opinion is the only correct one ought to read it.

But even that doesn't earn me any "Get Out of Jail Free" cards.

So, if you're also a "Denier" avoid the comments thread. And if you're not, that's where you can find me firmly bound to the whippin' post.


Okay, so I'm in lovely and almost balmy Victoria, BC a few days ago and take my charming Sheepdog for a wander. Being a dog, she began looking around for somewhere to do "her business", meaning that she bypassed any number of suitable locations in search of what we dog owners fondly call the "Charmin Lawn".

You know, the ones somebody keeps in immaculate condition, perfectly edged and trimmed with cuticle scissors. Then she does the traditional circular dance to attract the owner to the front window, humps up and drops a steaming pile right where the lawn bowling usually takes place.

Being a responsible dog owner (and environmentalist), I pull a biodegradable bag from my pocket and collect the evidence more thoroughly than Gil Grissom.

Then I look around for a trash can.

There's one not ten feet away, right across the street from a Public Works truck whose operator is fixing something on the trash bin on the other side of the street. I walk over to the one closest and prepare to drop my dog's load. The Public Works guy sees me and screams, "Don't throw that in there!"

I look up to see him racing through oncoming traffic waving his arms frantically. He definitely does not want my poo bag in his bin.

Me: Do you need this one empty to work on it?

PW Guy: No. We don't want people putting dog dirt in Public trash anymore.

Me: Why?

PW Guy: They won't take it at the landfill.

Me: Why?

PW Guy: They did tests and it creates too much Methane gas.

Throughout all of this, he's got his eyes riveted on the bag I'm still holding over the open trash can. It's like I'm carrying this Methane bomb that's gonna go off if I let it fall.

Me: So -- what am I supposed to do with it?

PW Guy: Take it home with you.

Me: (confused) And then…?

PW Guy: Well, we recommend flushing it down the toilet and putting the bag in your own garbage.

I refrain from pointing out that the bag will still contain a little Methane generating residue or that Victoria is without a sewage treatment plant, meaning my dog's doo would be joining all the human waste it daily flushes right into the ocean -- but far enough offshore nobody has to see it.

PW Guy: (cont.) Or you could put it in your composter.

Where it will still produce the same amount of Methane gas -- just not enough for anybody to measure.

I dropped the turd at Starbucks and asked for one of their free bags of recycled coffee grounds for the garden. So I think my furry pal's carbon footprint was suitably offset.

dog in leaves

From the beginning, I've felt the drinkers of the Al Gore/David Suzuki kool-aid haven't fully thought through either their science or their solutions to problems that could be real but might be just imagined.

A couple of US senators may be changing all that by introducing a bill which will require public access to all climate data collected by government agencies like NASA in the hope that wider scrutiny will prevent numbers being spun to suit somebody's particular environmental agenda.

Although I don't know what party they're from, if somebody in the climate change movement is opposed to that I'm sure it will come out that they once had coffee with Sarah Palin or maybe owned an SUV.

So until all this rights (sorry, there's that word again) itself, we may have to put up with press releases like the one that came out of the UN Climate Conference in Cancun this week asking Jews to celebrate Hanukkah by lighting one fewer Menorah candle. Apparently, if every Jew did it, it would take something like eleventy billion tons of carbon out of the atmosphere. 

But there's intentionally funny stuff coming out of Cancun as well.

Canadian comedian Rick Mercer made a name for himself with a couple of CBC Specials in which he hop-scotched the United States quizzing prominent and ordinary Americans to reveal their complete ignorance about Canada.

We all had a good laugh that both helped heal our national inferiority complex and prop up our smug sense of superiority.

But I'm not sure as many people find that act funny when somebody else does it. Like getting many of those dedicated, deep-thinkers at the Cancun conference to sign petitions which would create environmental chaos and ban ---- water.

Yeah, hang on every word coming out of UN Climate Cancun, dudes! These guys really know what they're talking about!


John McFetridge said...

Okay, but if you start using the word, "sheeple" I'll have to stop reading the blog ;)

DaninVan said...

'Cause poopy Pampers don't cause methane? Moronic bureaucrats think that having doggy-doo all over the place is somehow less of a methane 'problem' than having it all in one place?!

No; the real reason, and I sympathize, is that the workers at the landfill and on the pick-up routes don't want to have to deal with inconsiderate pet owners who don't properly package their stinky little treasures. A 100lb dog creates a pretty impressive pile of shite in a week...