Saturday, March 17, 2012

Happy St. Pat’s!


I’m not Irish. But I was married to an Irish woman for about a dozen years, so I have a very clear idea of why you guys need to drink!

It’s become a St. Patrick’s Day tradition around here to share some of Ireland’s humor. Feel free to share it as freely as you share the Bushmill’s and Guinness…

Syria’s President Assad was sitting in his office wondering whom to oppress next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Assad!", a voice with an irish lilt said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo. I’m ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Assad replied, "How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, "There’s myself, Seamus Murphy from down the road, me cousin Sean and the dart team. That makes eight!"
Assad smiled. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men ready to fight at my command."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll ring you back!"
Next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Assad, the war is still on! We’ve managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Assad asked.
"We have two combines and Murphy's tractor."
Assad sighed. "I have 16,000 tanks, 14,000 armored personnel carriers and I've increased my army by a half million since we last spoke."
"I see…" said Paddy. "I'll get back to you."
Sure enough, he rang the next day. "Mr. Assad, the war’s still on! Harrigan's fit a shotgun to his ultra-light so we’re airborne and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Assad cleared his throat. "Paddy, I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My country is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missiles. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Ah, you have, have you…", said Paddy, "I'll ring you back."
And true to his word, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Assad! I am sorry to tell you that we’ve had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Assad. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "We had a long chat over a few pints, and there's just no fookin’ way we can feed two million prisoners."


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